Sunday, February 21, 2010

Birthday Wish

Were I but footprints in the sand, washed
away with coming the tide, from your memory.
If only I could disappear so easily as I hide
from your view, to forget or forgive
myself for being. A wish, to be forgotten.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Evolution: The Curious Case of Dogs

Observations of a Nerd: Evolution: The Curious Case of Dogs:

Best read ever.

Dogs means of survival and ability to be cared for and to give freely out of love, to risk their own life, is to be am awesome outcome of evolution as well.

I love dogs...this was so fascinating to read. A real insight into how humanity has such extremes in kindness to terrorist to altruistic to nerdy etc...

A niche for everyone .. odd to think of it this way.

Saturday, January 30, 2010


I have been trying to figure out the words to give clarity to how I am and why I cannot have what I want in any type of relationship. I am and have always been socially-blind in an interpretive sense or else I just don't offer what people value. I suspect that I am fundamentally broken and anything I offer is tainted by that, in that I cannot hide how I am.

Christie's blog Even Mutualists Have To Constantly Fight To Stay Friends seems to explain how people interact. To maintain a mutual friendship you need to constantly "understand" and "offer" what the friend wants from the relationship and I don't have the capability of doing that regardless of my ability to empathize and understand people. And the "fight" and "motivation to "cheat" is so visible to me and also distasteful.

I am cynical enough to believe, "what is in it for me" fundamentally motivates people's choices in relationships, and I am blind to seeing that or understanding how it shifts and evolves. I am awkward and I blunder.

I don't ever think "what's in it for me" as I find that a foreign concept in liking and choosing someone in my life. I like people for who they are, or I enjoy the company of people exploring that. I have always looked at relationships as accepting people as they are, so the choice is to want them in my life or not as they are.

Today, I can see how I am toxic to people and so it is a kindness to stay uninvolved. And I understand that though I am kind and intend no harm to anyone and do no harm, that still how I am or who I am is toxic. Perhaps, it always has been this way and today it is just a bit more obviously so.

Oddly, children are different. Perhaps, because what they most want is to be wanted/valued for who they are, valued and supported in what matters to them and that is exactly all I really know how to do and all I actually want to do along with being kind. This naturally how I am and what I value and I recognize that this is also insufficient and of low relevancy in mutual relationships.

I cannot help but see how I have come to make the choice of isolation given my natural enjoyment and appreciation of people for their individuality.

Monday, January 18, 2010

food morality in a dog eat dog world

  • Delighted to happen upon this article Altruism In Plants? by the staff of SCIENCE BLOGGING. Never found it sensible to automatically assume that plants are lacking in soul or in quality characteristics we reserve for ourselves.
  • A vegetarian or a vegan for a reason other than personal preference and health implies a bias against plants and seems unjust.
  • The issue as to how to stop the barbaric practices for raising meat that causes excessive pollution and unnecessary cruelty seems to be skirted by simply abstaining from eating a particular life form. All species survive by feeding on other life.